Black Friday

May 13, 2011

The most epic fail of all bad songs to ever disgrace the music industry—it all started with a tween wannabe who, and I quote, “just want to be able to keep doing what I love, which is singing”.

 So when did singing sound like people stepping on tails of sixteen cats? Despite her severely auto-tuned voice, Rebecca Black is now hailed as “the worst singer in the world”. Her debut single “Friday”, which is a pathetic excuse for a song, was not entirely her fault. The song was written by ARK music factory, a Los Angeles video company that is now degradingly famous for the song that is dubbed as “the worst song ever” which has been ruthlessly degutted with unpleasant criticisms worldwide over the internet.

 Black made her entrance on February 10, 2011 when the music video of Friday was uploaded on YouTube. The writers of the song also produced the video, which was shot in her home on the first few parts of it. It was not until a month after its release that the video became viral when “The Daily What” posted it on their website. 

 Days after The Daily What posted it, the video spread like wildfire as the views escalated to thousands each day. Hateful comments poured in, and then there were also death threats, which did alarm the family. Rebecca should have killed her music career; couldn’t she take a hint? Never in my life have I seen so many haters, not since Miley Cyrus sang the Nirvana classic “Smells like teen spirit”, which created an uproar within thousands of loyal fans of grunge rock. But wait, this Rebecca Black hate parade is worldwide; it is a million times worse than the reaction of Miley’s cover of the Nirvana song.

 So is “Friday” all that bad? Or perhaps Rebecca Black only made it sound worse? Her voice seems to have a distinct nasal quality that many have find very piercing. The exceptionally stupid and mindless lyrics also played a huge factor to have bagged the title as the worst song ever as it is about a tween getting ready for the weekend. Does she really need to educate everybody about the order of the days of the week? Does she really need to tell everyone about her brainless, pointless choice on which seat should she take? Millions of cyber commentators have made fun of the dim-witted lyrics and song title and dubbed it as “Fried Egg” because they both sound similar.

 What about the video? Where do I even begin? There are already many parodies of the video, with a picture of a fried egg included in those several clips. The singer seemed to be like some preppy, trust fund brat that wrote random, senseless lyrics and whined to her mommy about it just so she could have a music video. And what better way to popularize a horrific song than by matching it with an agonizingly dreadful video? There’s just something deeply annoying about Rebecca Black’s face, especially when she opens her mouth and sings the part “Friday, Friday” and “Weekend, weekend”. It cries out for an instant face punch or bitch slap, whichever works for you. She has this anti-charismatic appeal that drives you to want her to STFU.  And then there’s this awkward dancing girl in her video. Who the heck is she and why does she dance like she’s in excruciating pain? Or perhaps she wanted to take a shit at that moment?  

 Just weeks after her viral hit, she has signed a record deal and is planning on making a full album. What has happened to the music industry today? This is an abomination. Word is, her next single’s going to be entitled “LOL”. Can anybody please make her stop for the sake of the world’s sanity?

 If the popularity of Rebecca Black continues to stay in the game for years to come, let’s just hope the 13-year-old would not turn out to be another Miley Cyrus-- a ‘Disney Gone Bad’ that does pole dancing and smokes Salvia bong. If there’s one thing worse than a terrible singer, it’s a troubled, wild, attention-seeking one that surfaces everywhere on magazines with stripper-ish photos.